互聯(lián)網(wǎng)上幾乎每天都有關(guān)于川普的熱點(diǎn)，最近一個(gè)是關(guān)于他寫(xiě)給金正恩的信件：

這封信一 經(jīng)公開(kāi)便遭到了不少人的批評(píng)，這其中包括國(guó)外一些英語(yǔ)老師，但他們關(guān)注的點(diǎn)是這封信在遣詞造句上的問(wèn)題。

不少人在特推上對(duì)這封信打分并給出了修改建議，其中一名用戶甚至給這封信打上了F（不及格）的分?jǐn)?shù)。

雖然有部分人是為了黑川普而黑川普，對(duì)這封信有雞蛋里挑骨頭的意味，但有一些修改建議還是非常中肯的，可以作為英文寫(xiě)作的案例來(lái)學(xué)習(xí)。比如下面這位名為Michael G. Stone的用戶給出的修改版本：

這些修改大部分集中在用詞上，其中有不少值得我們借鑒的地方：

01

原文：We greatly appreciate your time,patience,an effort?with respect to?our recent negotiations an iscussions?relative to?a summit long sought by both parties,?which was?scheule to take place on June 12 in Singapore.

修改：We greatly appreciate your time,patience,an effort on our recent negotiations an iscussions for a summit long sought by both parties,scheule to take place on June 12 in Singapore.

點(diǎn)評(píng)： The Elements of Style?一書(shū)中有這樣的說(shuō)法：

Vigorous writing is concise. A sentence shoul contain no unnecessarywors,a paragraph no unnecessary sentences,for the same reason that arawing shoul have no unnecessary lines an a machine no unnecessaryparts.

簡(jiǎn)潔是英文寫(xiě)作的靈魂，為了做到這一點(diǎn)，要學(xué)會(huì)去掉所有無(wú)關(guān)的信息，同時(shí)還要學(xué)會(huì)精簡(jiǎn)表達(dá)，一件事情能用一個(gè)詞說(shuō)清楚就堅(jiān)決不用兩個(gè)詞。具體到這封信，with respect to和relative to過(guò)于冗長(zhǎng)，可以用介詞來(lái)代替，which was則可以去掉。

02

原文：Therefore,please?let this letter serve to represent that the Singapore summit,?for the goo of both parties,but to the etriment of the worl,?will not take place.

修改：Therefore,please be informe that the Singapore summit,for the goo of both parties,but to the etriment of the worl,will not take place.

點(diǎn)評(píng)：let this letter serve to represent過(guò)于冗余，用be informe代替會(huì)更好。for the goo of both parties,but to the etriment of the worl這句話有點(diǎn)莫名其妙，“對(duì)兩個(gè)國(guó)家有利，但對(duì)全世界來(lái)說(shuō)有害”，邏輯上說(shuō)不通。

03

原文：You talk about your nuclear capabilities,but ours are so massive an powerful that I pray to Go they will never?have to?be use.

修改：You talk about your nuclear capabilities,but ours are so massive an powerful that I pray to Go they will never be use.

點(diǎn)評(píng)：這一句話感覺(jué)有點(diǎn)像小孩子吵架，互相嚇唬對(duì)方，朝鮮有核武器，美國(guó)也有，而且威力更加強(qiáng)大。在正式的外交信件中這樣恫嚇別國(guó)領(lǐng)導(dǎo)人并不合適。另外，have to在這里也是多余成分，應(yīng)該去掉。

04

原文：I felt a wonerful ialogue was builing up between?you an me,?an ultimately,it is only the ialogue that matters.

修改：I felt a wonerful ialogue was builing up between us,an ultimately,it is only the ialogue that matters.

點(diǎn)評(píng)：you an me改為us更加簡(jiǎn)潔。

05

原文：That was a beautiful gesture an?was very much appreciate.

修改：That was a beautiful gesture an very much appreciate.

點(diǎn)評(píng)：第二個(gè)was可以去掉，這樣更加簡(jiǎn)潔，同時(shí)信件中用了太多的very much，它完全可以用其他副詞代替，比如可以改為highly appreciate

06

原文：If you change your min?having to o with?this most important summit,please?o not hesitate to?call me or write.

修改：If you change your min about this most important summit,please call or write me.

點(diǎn)評(píng)：having to o with改為about更加簡(jiǎn)潔，please o not hesitate to o something是各類(lèi)郵件里常用的套話，直接改為please o something會(huì)更加言簡(jiǎn)意賅，call me or write不對(duì)稱(chēng)，應(yīng)該改為call or write me.

不少英語(yǔ)學(xué)習(xí)者可能會(huì)有這樣的誤區(qū)：只要是個(gè)老外，就能寫(xiě)好英文。但實(shí)際情況是，即使是英美人士，能寫(xiě)好英文的人也并不多，因?yàn)檫@是一項(xiàng)有相當(dāng)門(mén)檻的技能，它與閱讀量和受教育水平呈正相關(guān)。這次的信件就能說(shuō)明這一點(diǎn)：即使是總統(tǒng)也未必就能寫(xiě)作合格。

歷史上，美國(guó)總統(tǒng)一般都有御用的寫(xiě)作班子（ghost writers），像競(jìng)選演講稿以及國(guó)會(huì)講話等重要場(chǎng)合的文字一般都由他們修改潤(rùn)色。

例如尼克松的御用寫(xiě)手是紐約時(shí)報(bào)政治專(zhuān)欄作家William Safire，小布什的御用寫(xiě)手則是華盛頓郵報(bào)專(zhuān)欄作家Michael Gerson以及作家Susan Hughes。

但從這次的寫(xiě)作質(zhì)量來(lái)看，這封信極有可能是川普親筆所寫(xiě)，從這一點(diǎn)也可以看出，他確實(shí)不是一個(gè)按常理出牌的人。

【微語(yǔ)】出國(guó)留學(xué)，是人生的一次重要選擇，也許會(huì)有遺憾。不過(guò)，這樣的經(jīng)歷，也正是讓你成熟起來(lái)的標(biāo)志吧！