耶魯前招生官：在我審閱的材料中，好文書贏得錄取

留學(xué)文書在申請材料中占有很重要的地位。如果你的各種考試成績都不錯，那好文書就有畫龍點睛的作用，如果你的成績有點不理想，那好文書也給了你一個很不錯的彌補機會。

曾擔(dān)任過耶魯大學(xué)本科部的招生官 EVA OSTRUM 對這一點也有深有體會的，她自己就曾替一個 SAT 分?jǐn)?shù)不高，但文書寫得很好的學(xué)生爭取到了錄取機會。

本文是她在一次訪談時給的文書寫作建議，也許對你有點用。

問：學(xué)生在寫申請 Essay 時最常犯的錯誤有哪些 ?

答：有些大學(xué)會要求學(xué)生寫崇拜的偶像，比如 “ 如果有機會，你最想和誰一起吃個飯 ?”，在寫這樣的題材時，學(xué)生經(jīng)常犯的錯誤是『本末倒置』。他們花了大量篇幅寫自己的偶像，卻沒有怎樣介紹自己。我的建議是，從你自身優(yōu)點寫。你崇拜這個人，你怎樣受 ta 影響 ? 以我為例，我最崇拜的人是前南非總統(tǒng) nelson Manela，我每天都要讀一句他的激勵人心的語錄。有一天，一個小男孩問我，“ 姐姐，你是哪個名人吧 ?”

我舉這個例子的結(jié)論是，把注意力放到自己的行動上，這樣不管你是有機會和偶像面對面交流，還是只是通過閱讀他們的書籍，你的視野都已經(jīng)發(fā)生改變。

另一個普遍的錯誤是，學(xué)生往往認(rèn)為必須寫一些使自己看起來和別人不同的東西。當(dāng)你和其他幾萬學(xué)生一起競爭申請某一頂尖名校時，僅靠突出活動本身作用不大。你做過的活動，招生官在別的學(xué)生那里同樣也可以看到。所以，把焦點放在某事 “ 造就了你 ” 方面，而不是 “ 某事 ” 方面。這才是招生官真正想知道的。你怎么通過活動或事件展示自己，這才是文書關(guān)鍵。

問：你們?nèi)绾闻袛鄬W(xué)生的 Essay 是否真實 ?

答：看他們的 SAT 閱讀分?jǐn)?shù)。如果他們的 SAT 閱讀和寫作分?jǐn)?shù)都不高，而 essay 好得就如同出自大學(xué)教授之手或者 essay 透露的成熟度和高中生形象不符，你都可以看到一些端倪。有了一定的經(jīng)濟基礎(chǔ)，學(xué)生找機構(gòu)指導(dǎo)可以理解。別人都去找，你不找，你就處于弱勢了。但記住，找人指導(dǎo)文書時，他給你提建議怎么修改，可以；若他一句一句給你改好了，不可以。

問：有沒有一兩篇優(yōu)秀的文書令你印象深刻？什么令你記得這么牢固 ?

答：我記得兩篇。有個學(xué)生寫了他父親第一次帶他去上空手道培訓(xùn)的情景。第一句就寫了他在其他體育項目如何不行。你會很有興趣讀下去。

還有個女生寫的是她如何喜歡并鑒賞連環(huán)漫畫冊的。她申請的是藝術(shù)院校，但有的大學(xué)并不認(rèn)為連環(huán)畫是正兒八經(jīng)的藝術(shù)。但我還是一開始就為她的文書吸引了，從第一句你就可以感受她對連環(huán)畫的熱愛。這些文書第一時間就能抓住我的眼球，讓我有耐心細讀下去。

問：你能舉一個化普通為神奇的例子嗎？就是題材一般，但寫出來的角度很特別。

答：有位申請耶魯?shù)膶W(xué)生，她寫每天上學(xué)，途中經(jīng)過一座高樓，有很多鴿子停歇在上面。你也許覺得這樣的題材非?？尚?，但行文如此優(yōu)美，盡管寫的明明是尋常事件，但依然深深吸引了我。所以說，會講故事是很重要的。想一想，在你的人生當(dāng)中你聽到過的、親戚朋友講的故事，如果故事講得精彩，你也會聽得入神。

問：有沒有哪些題材學(xué)生不應(yīng)該寫？

答：關(guān)于個人悲慘經(jīng)歷的題材不好寫。學(xué)生往往深陷經(jīng)歷當(dāng)中，他們不是在講故事。他們寫出來的要么成了事件敘述，要么成了心靈雞湯。要寫真正沉重嚴(yán)肅的題材時，我會很小心翼翼。這個題材不是不可以寫，但我認(rèn)為應(yīng)用經(jīng)驗法則驗一驗。如果這個話題對你而言依然是敏感的，回想經(jīng)歷，你可能還帶有一絲恐懼、一絲畏縮或者心痛，那就不要寫。

如果你能以輕松甚至調(diào)侃的態(tài)度談這段經(jīng)歷，顯示你已經(jīng)從經(jīng)歷的悲痛中痊愈了，那你可以寫。當(dāng)然，這并不是叫你一定要以幽默的口吻去寫痛苦的經(jīng)歷。

問：essay 有多重要 ?

答：在我審閱的材料中，文書至少對一個學(xué)生是非常重要的。我對這個學(xué)生產(chǎn)生濃厚的興趣就是因為他的文書，我希望他來耶魯，我覺得他會給耶魯貢獻很多。但是他的 SAT 分?jǐn)?shù)不高。耶魯?shù)母偁幦绱酥畯姡闵晕⒛囊稽c薄弱都可能與耶魯無緣。我為這個學(xué)生爭取到了錄取的機會。不過，他也僅僅是靠文書贏得 offer 的。他老師也非常喜歡他，認(rèn)為他以 SAT 低分申請不得不面對很大的風(fēng)險，不過他依然放手一搏，走出這一步了。文書、老師和課堂，在顯示學(xué)生特質(zhì)的時候一定是有些共通之處的。

問：有沒有哪些你想在學(xué)生文書中找尋的東西，學(xué)生若知道你們要的是這些可能會很驚訝的 ?

答： 我認(rèn)為學(xué)生如果知道招生官不是想在文書中找什么奇異奇特會感到驚訝。你用的例子越具體，你就越能細節(jié)描述故事，效果也越好。好的文書能展示學(xué)生。招生官讀文書，腦海里就能構(gòu)思出你具有怎樣的性格，是個怎樣的學(xué)生。這就好比你和招生官在交談。這應(yīng)該不難理解。

最后，附一篇耶魯大學(xué) Essay 范文，作者為 Alexaner Dominitz，題材類型為 The Arts。

&lquo;Please turn off all cell phones an pagers. Thank you,an enjoy the show.&rquo; As the echo of my voice subsie,I seize the walkie-talkie that lay resting on the stool an raise it to my mouth. &lquo;Justin,&rquo; I whispere,&lquo;kill the lights.&rquo; I ha just enough time to no to the soun crew,signaling them to start the overture,before the stage went completely black. As Menelssohn boome from the speakers,my fingers fumble aroun in the ark until fining the curtain chor. I began to pull ownwar,han-over-han,until the curtain reveale the court of the Duke of Athens. Kelsey’s voice soune from stage right: &lquo;Now,fair Hippolyta,our nuptial hour raws on apace…&rquo;

Breathe. As I leane against the stage oor,the journey that ha brought me to this moment replaye in my memory: months of planning with the school’s aministration—outlining goals an creating scheules; hours of meeting with the faculty—enlisting the art epartment to buil sets an begging English teachers to postpone projects; weeks of rehearsals,preparing the kis for the rigors of &lquo;opening night&rquo;; even the vieo that I wrote an filme over a marathon-like weeken in orer to avertise the eneavor. An finally…all my pessimistic friens who challenge my excitement with their isbelief: &lquo;Junior high school stuents? Shakespeare?&rquo; Then I thought,&lquo;But just look at them now!&rquo; Nina projects on stage—the smallness of her voice ceases to inhibit her performance. Chris watches his blocking—his awkwar stance a istant memory. Amber now gestures with purpose—gone are the nervous habits that once characterize each movement. Garret knows every single line by heart—no longer will I be making the 10 p.m. house calls to help him memorize. But what about Brian? Little Brian…. I just on’t know. Always so quiet an shy…h(huán)ave I reache him?

The Menelssohn soune again: time for intermission. I resume my scurrying,taking own trees an bringing on columns,fixing loosene safety pins,freshening up fae makeup,an answering questions from the crew: &lquo;When o you want the spotlight in 4:1?&rquo; &lquo;What about the throne an the benches?&rquo; &lquo;Have you seen my onkey ears?&rquo; Suenly,I felt a tug at the leg of my jeans. I turne aroun,an there was Brian,looking up at me with roun,brown,hopeful eyes. In his usually timi voice,I hear a tone of etermination. &lquo;Was that goo? What can I o better for the next act?&rquo; I hugge him,reassure him,sent him to his entrance place,an rushe behin a curtain before anyone coul see my tears of joy.

En of Act 5. As the lights came up for the curtain call,the auience rose in staning ovation. The faculty avisor tappe me on the shouler. &lquo;It’s your turn…get out there!&rquo; I looke out at the stage apron from my post at the curtain,smile,an shook my hea. &lquo;No,&rquo; I sai. &lquo;This is their moment.&rquo;

They finishe their bows,an as the curtain close,all twentyfive seventh an eighth graers jumpe up an own shouting,&lquo;We i it! We i it!&rquo; Hugs,laughter,an tears gushe from everyone—actors,technicians,an stagehans alike. I just stoo there an watche,not aring to isrupt the spectacle,for I was witnessing the burst of elation that only those who have just create something beautiful can know. This was my bow. I i not nee the auience’s reaction to gauge the impact. I coul see the results for myself. I can teach. I can inspire. I can touch lives. That’s all that matters.

Alexaner Dominitz attens Yale University.

點評：

This essay requires a little backgroun. The author,Alexaner Dominitz,irecte a play at a local elementary school. The reaer can figure out the context as the essay goes forwar,but the author relies on the rest of his application to fill in nuts an bolts information (such as the fact that the prouction was his iea,an that he convince the principal at the elementary school to enorse it). Note the skillful pacing. The essay covers the length of the show,an Alexaner uses igressions into his own thoughts to give the reaer a sense that time is passing. Says Alexaner,&lquo;They’re asking you to write about yourself…The subject you know best. Just write from the heart an everything will be all right.&rquo;

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